© 2018 Tina DeMatteo


Emotional Resilience

Updated: Jul 1, 2019

As we grow, we learn to express our emotions in a more mature manner. We expand our awareness and learn what works in situations and what does not. In times of stress and uncertainty though, we may default back into how we have learned to express our emotions in the past.

Those who had a traumatic background and always had to live in survival mode may have his or her brain stuck in mistaking everything for a threat. They will mistake a stick for a snake and a personal emotional trigger as a threat for safety. This is called a negativity bias. This mode of thinking does not mean that a person is negative; rather, it is a way of seeing something adversely to keep a person alert for personal safety.

To move out of this mode of thinking, we have to become aware of every moment and retrain our thoughts. Our memories will never go away and are a way to protect us, but better awareness and understanding can keep us grounded in seeing what is real and what is not. Constantly being stuck in our past trauma will burn us out, affect our health and steal the energy needed to address a real threat to our safety. With awareness, we can turn an unwarranted perceived threat around immediately and address the concern for clarity.

It is helpful to be in relationships that we feel safe with to counter our unproductive defaulting emotional states. It is equally important to learn the emotional triggers of those who are close to us, so we are aware of what can trigger them emotionally. It helps to be in respectful relationships where we help each other to stay on a positive track and to feel safe emotionally.

If we happen to default into past emotions, our built up awareness can allow us to course correct and remedy the emotional moment quickly, so it does not turn into a regrettable event. We will be able to stay calm in the midst of the chaos.

We heal from our emotional traumas and pain with wisdom and constant awareness, while developing emotional safety in our relationships.